you don't have give up, to let go. [23 Nov 2009|07:19pm] Deadmau5 ft. Kaskade- Feeling the past moving in Letting a new day begin Hold to the time that you know You don't have to move on to let go Add to the memory you keep Remember when you fall asleep Hold to the love that you know You don't have to give up to let go Remember turning on the the night And moving through the morning light Remember how it was with you Remember how you pulled me through. I remember that song will always remind me of stoycho stalev. and every moment with him, new and old. i ca't believe this happened, without any warning. then again love doesn't have warning. i'm so sad i'm leaving him, but i know it will be the best. i believe what we have we both don't poses the maturity for. and it will always be there. i just know i will look back when i'm far away from him, and smile sweetly. i think so much of him, and know he will be great in life. i just hope he remembers. -a.h. <3 post comment

life [14 Sep 2009|12:28pm] current listening to-the tragically hip- grace, too this band reminds me of jherick and his father and the  relationship they had. last i heard jherick isn't doing well, the addiction to opiates has taken full swing. this makes me terribly sorrowed and haunts my dreams. i feel so bad, that there is nothing i can do. execpt the truth, and move on with my own life. and just be greatful for the happiness we gave each other, and all of those awesome times we had. i'll never forget him. as for me, i find very hard to keep in any intrest in anything. anything. i'm not sure which way anything could go, but i'm eaither stuck, or letting my self be stuck. i think its the second one. post comment

venus in furs. [27 Aug 2009|07:48pm] sean is doing the secret shopper thing. rosaline is 7 and a half months pregnant, and hates life. it was 106 degrees out today! that sucks. it's twilight and still 91 degrees. fuckkk. i don't know what i am, or who i am. it's tough, maybe i'm just a really late bloomer. fuck it. and everyone elses opinions. post comment

currently listening to mazzy star-cry, cry [11 Aug 2009|09:44pm] i just worked a twelve hour shift, which made me think alot about what i need in life right now. i hate the relationships between men i am undergoing right now, i'm confused, restless, reluctant, and definitely not satisfied. i'm giving up on the whole love/sex thing. i never thought i would have this taste in my mouth, but i'm glad it finally came. i'm tired and surrender to all. i'm pure and simple as of now. the only thing i want is to work my ass off, and find happiness within myself. fuck everyone else, fuck what they think. there's nothing more i want then to be absolutely alone right now. finally. post comment

moving [04 Mar 2009|12:00am] to san francisco in three days :] post comment

[17 Feb 2009|10:09am] i drank with my mom at a brazilian bar in seattle the other day. it was great. now i'm looking for a job to save up for california! wish me luck babes. 1 comment|post comment

[30 Jan 2009|10:51am] learning how to breathe; inhale exhale inhale out. it's not working, guys. 2 comments|post comment

childhood vs. adulthood [26 Dec 2008|08:22pm] i remember being young, and the day that my mom told me i had to start dressing myself in the mornings for school. this is was difficult for me, because every morning i relied on her for dressing me, without me having to move a single finger. i know that this was maybe the first independent thing i have ever done in my life. that it was nessecary to dress myself, so i can grow, and move forward in life. to take what i know, and use it to benifit me towards the ever constant future. it's amazing how that memory was stored in my head for this specifict moment in my life. that being single, independent can having reaping rewards later, even now. now i have time for myself to become the blooming flower i've always wanted to be, to explore endless possibilities to descover who i am. and nothing can hold me back, 1 comment|post comment

PAIN. [12 Dec 2008|10:16pm] makes you feel alive. well, i tend to desagrear. pain makes you feel, not alive, but worthless. no matter how much. it reachches down, grabs the pit of your soul and rips it out. rather yout ready for it or not. no matter. it breaks you down, and truely disect who you are. whatever the surcumstance is. i feel it is apart of this world in many ways. and i have only come nearly close to what it excepts me out of me. i know ther lays a long due of hurt of pain, but slowly it will all make sense. someday, until then, i'm comeltey clueless....... ...  . .. ..              ..  .. ................ post comment

Seriously. [27 Oct 2008|04:17pm] i'm so stressed about everything. i find myself always asking questions. like, why do i hurt people? why don't i care until it's done and over with? and why can't i help it? i can't. i do things without taking the time to think. like-- how will this effect me and others? it's like i'm growing up all oer again and can't decide wrong from right. i really have to start taking peoples consideration not so lightly. maybe it's just odd having people care for me for the first time in my life? brock scared the shit out of me, and i hurt him becuase of it. i'm such a piece. i'm sorry. post comment

heartbreak [09 Sep 2008|02:27pm] i need someone to talk to. anyone? 2 comments|post comment

i broke up with jherick [02 Sep 2008|09:17pm] i can't help the fact that i'm jealous right now. especially when i'm in such a fragile state of trying to live a sober life without anything mind altering. i'm trying to build my self confindence from scratch, something i used to replace with getting high. and it's not easy when i cant help the fact of comparing myself to other girls he talks to when i have nohting to compare with. when i'm trying to build myself up, and have accomplishments. i'm sure of the fact that once this probation is over, and i start doing good in school, my self confindence will grow. with accomplishments under my belt, like simply having a license and hobbies will alow myself to become the person i have dreamed of for the past 5 years of my life. yes i know i've wasted so much time doing drugs, and now it's my time to grow and shine as a FUCKING PERSON for once. and when i think about it, i will be so proud of the fact that i have. and until then, november, i wont feel that until then. and i know he loves me and it's very stupid of me to think that he dosnt, which i dont. i just cannot help the way i feel when he talks to another girl with confindence. even though i know i'm better, or will be better. but he can't wait until then. even though he knows how i feel, he cant wait. but thats okay, because once i feel that sense of accomplishment, nothing can hold me back, no girl will ever let myself question the fact that i'm worth it. but until then, i will feel completely unsatisfied with anything until. i really can't help my feelings about this subject, but knowing it will change, helps. stupid, girl. stupid. 3 comments|post comment

[16 Feb 2008|12:25pm]  i need a best friend who isn't  a thousand miles away, no offense rae.  anyway, we got our first place. in a cuuute little duplex with the most adorable 70's  kitchen i could ask for! right here in town. i want to have a house warming get together, but we currently  have shit for furniture, ahha. nevertheless, i'm super excited. 1 comment|post comment

[13 Jan 2008|12:57pm] i bake pies for ten dollars an hour. post comment

[28 Nov 2007|02:08pm] my first pack of smokes; camels. post comment

[20 Nov 2007|10:08am] hey amber! i found a place to throw our birthday party. 1 comment|post comment

[24 Oct 2007|01:48pm] I GOT A JOB AT COLDSTONE!@!$%!^& 2 comments|post comment

[21 Oct 2007|12:56pm] 4 comments|post comment

[08 Oct 2007|09:24pm] [ music | Dave Dee Dozy Beaky Mick & Tich ] Hold Tight! 2 comments|post comment

[03 Sep 2007|03:22pm] Oh, baby, baby it's Wild World. 5 comments|post comment

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